The PSYCHOPATH Among Us.......Part Two

Dangerous, Undiagnosed, and In Your Life: The Psychopathic Personality

In the second part of this series on psychopaths, I am basically sharing a little more information about the personality and traits common to psychopaths. Funny thing, as I read about the thought patterns and behaviors I realized if we just scanned through these writings quickly, we would see everyone we know in these articles. However, something important to keep in mind as you read on is this: we are not talking about an occasional white lie, an insensitive moment, or about someone who will stand up for himself. The personality and traits of the psychopath are chronic. They will spin their webs of lies and lead the victim on. They can fake remorse if they are caught but have no shame. They will blame others for the lies they told and will tell lies upon lies to cover up lies. They are gratified, in some sick way, by hurting or destroying others. It is never their fault.

Remember as you read on, these traits are a way of life to the psychopath. I realize I've provided a lot of information here, information from psychologists and experts on the psychopath. Part Three of this series will be more personal, now that you have information from the pros. I will share with you first hand about the psychopath I allowed into my life, the pain and destruction and ultimate betrayal. I will share this with the hope and prayer that you will take in this information and be saved from the clutches of the psychopath.
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What is so very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of special entitlement, is their complete and utter lack of empathy for other people, for psychopaths lack a conscience and will not follow the rules of society that most of us take for granted.

Although the psychopath deliberately cheats others and is quite conscious of his lies, he appears unable to distinguish adequately between his own *pseudointentions, pseudoremorse, pseudolove, and the genuine responses of a normal person.
(*pseudo = false, counterfeit, fake)
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Internet Psychopath = Cyberpath

For those unwary people who run into a psychopath through the medium of the internet, this can be a very bad experience, for the psychopath finds use in preying on others' insecurities, such as the need to have a "purpose" in one's life; the need to be loved and wanted. It is also easier to pretend to be someone else for an extended time, which gives the partner (the psychopath's victim) time to nurse a very false idealisation about the psychopath.. . . No matter what role they play, the psychopath's emotional responses are always shallow and lacking in fortitude, although their dramatic acting can fool you -- as well as words of conviction. These people will make up anything when it suits them; they are pathological liars and will lie for no reason; sees no problem with lying to achieve goals. You will be hard pressed to get a sincere apology from a psychopath because she will not admit to any wrong doing. An apology is just words to the psychopath, to further her own interests.
One emotion the psychopath can easily exhibit is anger. She can fly into a violent rage then recover quickly and "act" friendly and loving again in literally just a moment. She will not understand why, if she can forgive quickly, her victim cannot and will take on an air of superiority. Without conscience, the psychopath will wreak havoc in a person's life then expect forgiveness and for the relationship to continue as if nothing happened.

References: These are a few excerpts from an ebook/published book in progress © 2000 W.G. Koenigsmann. Copyrighted material may not be reproduced or printed; small excerpts and quotes may be used without permission, as long as this material is properly credited.
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The Psychopathic Personality:
Swears they're telling the truth

Instant rapport, often promise something for nothing

Lies, cheats, and steals

Likes the illusion that they are powerful

Uses excuses to avoid what she should do.

Has had more sex partners than most; and may brag about her sexual prowess

Makes promises she will never keep

May claim a lot of people "hate" her, then when you ask why, she can't explain

Psychopaths are very charming and persuasive and have good insights into the needs and weaknesses of others. They often inspire feelings of trust and confidence. Their charm is superficial and they are often very intelligent.
Psychopaths are insincere, and unreliable; they are conning and manipulative and their manipulations can be very subtle. They do this by playing to the emotions of others.

Egocentrism is a preoccupation with one's own concerns and insensitivity to the needs of others. Me Me Me. They are uncaring and could care less about anything except themselves. Those who feign being caring and thoughtful are only acting.

Psychopaths do not experience guilt or feelings of remorse, even when they have caused great pain or distress in other people. They are shallow in their emotions and lack empathy. Most exhibitions of concern or remorse is fake.
There is always a shallow quality to the emotional aspect of their stories. In particular they have difficulty describing how they felt, why they felt that way, or how others may feel and why. In many cases you almost have to explain it to them. Close friends and parents will often end up explaining to the psychopath how they feel and how others feel who have been hurt by him or her. They can do this over and over with no significant change in the person's choices and behavior. They don't understand or appreciate the impact that their behavior has on others. They do appreciate what it means when they are caught breaking rules or the law even though they seem to end up in trouble again. They desperately avoid incarceration and loss of freedom but continue to act as if they can get away with breaking the rules.

They don't learn from these consequences. They seem to react with feelings and regret when they are caught. But their regret is not so much for other people as it is for the consequences that their behavior has had on them, their freedom, their resources and their so called "friends." They can be very sad for their self.

A psychopath is always in it for their self even when it seems like they are caring for and helping others. The definition of their "friends" are people who support the psychopath and protect them from the consequence of their own antisocial behavior. Shallow friendships, low emotional intelligence, using people, antisocial attitudes and failure to learn from the repeated consequences of their choices and actions help identify the psychopath.

A psychopath will use people for excitement, entertainment, to build their self-esteem and they invariably value people in terms of their material value (e.g. money, property, comfort, etc..). They can involve and get other people into trouble quickly and they seem to have no regret for their actions.

The psychopath's personal life often lies in disarray. Many are abrasive personalities who enjoy making life difficult for others. They are impulsive and exhibit promiscuous sexual behavior. Their lives are usually on the verge of personal chaos. They lack insight into the connection between their behavior and its consequences. They fail to learn from their experiences.

Psychopaths are moody and obsessive-compulsive.

Psychopaths suffer from one or more phobias.

Psychopaths use defense mechanism of projection (blaming others for her own faults)

The psychopath has a constant background fear, ie is suspicious of everybody, and justifies doing bad things to people by assuming that they would do the same if they had the chance.

References:
The information for this page was compiled from the psychology textbooks Psychology In Action (Second Edition), Understanding Abnormal Behaviour (Sixth Edition), Antisocial Behavior, and The Sociopath Next Door.

The PSYCHOPATH Among Us Part One

I am not going to sit here and pretend to be a psychopath expert. Quite to the contrary. In fact, I know so little about psychopaths I had no idea I was being sucked in and victimized by one until the damage was done. As is my nature, I try to learn from my mistakes and life experiences I don't want to repeat. Why did this happen? How did it happen? How can I prevent it from happening to me – or someone I care about – again? These questions led me to do some research on psychopaths and sociopaths, or, people with antisocial personality disorder.

Did you know it is not only serial killers and hard core criminals who are psychopaths? In fact there are two million psychopaths in North America alone. Do you know what their personality traits are and what to watch for? It is my hope by sharing my research with you, the psychopath who struck in my life, or any other psychopath for that matter, will not be able to infiltrate your heart and life, stealing your kindness, decency, love or more. Be prepared for a series on the psychopath as I integrate what I have learned with what I experienced.

You know, a psychopath can present as a very charming and endearing human being and has this innate ability to reach right in and wrap a string of lights around his victim's heart. It happened to me. In fact even with everything that happened I am fairly embarrassed to admit I still feel a tug at my heart where this person is concerned. For that reason, and because it goes against everything I am to be vindictive or cold hearted, I will not mention names throughout this series. If, as you read, you believe you know the person for whom this shoe fits, keep it to yourself, if you will. I am not writing and researching to hurt the psychopath. I am writing to save friends and loved ones the heartache and hassle I've been through. This is what they do. This is how they act. With the explanation of a psychopath's traits and actions as I've found in my research, I will give real life examples of how this can play out and how it did play out in my life. Heads up people and please beware.

Part one of this series on psychopaths will be a general overview and introduction. I don't know how many parts this series will have. You will also be able to find this series on my Multiply and My Space and Yahoo 360 sites. Will add all the other links where this series can be found by Wednesday.

THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR
(Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html
Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late. Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."

Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment. Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others.

"Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.
The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis.

"Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker." No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.

How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior." Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.' Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing the psychopath's victim can do is to move on.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of the series which will post on Wednesday, December 19th. Please, read this and read it again. Share this information with your friends and loved ones. Don't be fooled and don't get hurt. Be safe out there.