I am not going to sit here and pretend to be a psychopath expert. Quite to the contrary. In fact, I know so little about psychopaths I had no idea I was being sucked in and victimized by one until the damage was done. As is my nature, I try to learn from my mistakes and life experiences I don't want to repeat. Why did this happen? How did it happen? How can I prevent it from happening to me – or someone I care about – again? These questions led me to do some research on psychopaths and sociopaths, or, people with antisocial personality disorder.
Did you know it is not only serial killers and hard core criminals who are psychopaths? In fact there are two million psychopaths in North America alone. Do you know what their personality traits are and what to watch for? It is my hope by sharing my research with you, the psychopath who struck in my life, or any other psychopath for that matter, will not be able to infiltrate your heart and life, stealing your kindness, decency, love or more. Be prepared for a series on the psychopath as I integrate what I have learned with what I experienced.
You know, a psychopath can present as a very charming and endearing human being and has this innate ability to reach right in and wrap a string of lights around his victim's heart. It happened to me. In fact even with everything that happened I am fairly embarrassed to admit I still feel a tug at my heart where this person is concerned. For that reason, and because it goes against everything I am to be vindictive or cold hearted, I will not mention names throughout this series. If, as you read, you believe you know the person for whom this shoe fits, keep it to yourself, if you will. I am not writing and researching to hurt the psychopath. I am writing to save friends and loved ones the heartache and hassle I've been through. This is what they do. This is how they act. With the explanation of a psychopath's traits and actions as I've found in my research, I will give real life examples of how this can play out and how it did play out in my life. Heads up people and please beware.
Part one of this series on psychopaths will be a general overview and introduction. I don't know how many parts this series will have. You will also be able to find this series on my Multiply and My Space and Yahoo 360 sites. Will add all the other links where this series can be found by Wednesday.
THE PSYCHOPATH NEXT DOOR
(Source: http://chericola57.tripod.com/infinite.html
Psychopath. We hear the word and images of Bernardo, Manson and Dahmer pop into our heads; no doubt Ted Bundy too. But they're the bottom of the barrel -- most of the two million psychopaths in North America aren't murderers. They're our friends, lovers and co-workers. They're outgoing and persuasive, dazzling you with charm and flattery. Often you aren't even aware they've taken you for a ride -- until it's too late. Psychopaths exhibit a Jekyll and Hyde personality. "They play a part so they can get what they want," says Dr. Sheila Willson, a Toronto psychologist who has helped victims of psychopaths. The guy who showers a woman with excessive attention is much more capable of getting her to lend him money, and to put up with him when he strays. The new employee who gains her co-workers' trust has more access to their chequebooks. And so on. Psychopaths have no conscience and their only goal is self-gratification. Many of us have been their victims -- at work, through friendships or relationships -- and not one of us can say, "a psychopath could never fool me."
Think you can spot one? Think again. In general, psychopaths aren't the product of broken homes or the casualties of a materialistic society. Rather they come from all walks of life and there is little evidence that their upbringing affects them. Elements of a psychopath's personality first become evident at a very early age, due to biological or genetic factors. Explains Michael Seto, a psychologist at the Centre for Addiction and Mental health in Toronto, by the time that a person hits their late teens, the disorder is almost certainly permanent. Although many clinicians use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably, writes psychopath expert Robert Hare on his book 'Without Conscience', a sociopath's criminal behavior is shaped by social forces and is the result of a dysfunctional environment. Psychopaths have only a shallow range of emotions and lack guilt, says Hare. They often see themselves as victims, and lack remorse or the ability to empathize with others.
"Psychopaths play on the fact that most of us are trusting and forgiving people," adds Seto. The warning signs are always there; it's just difficult to see them because once we trust someone, the friendship becomes a blinder.
The problem with their game is that we don't often play by their rules. Where we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath's lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis.
"Psychopaths don't discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat," says Seto. "There's no distinction between friend, family and sucker." No one wants to be the sucker, so how do we prevent ourselves from becoming close friends or getting into a relationship with a psychopath? It's really almost impossible, say Seto and Willson. Unfortunately, laments Seto, one way is to become more suspicious and less trusting of others. Our tendency is to forgive when we catch a loved one in a lie. "Psychopaths play on this fact," he says. "However, I'm certainly not advocating a world where if someone lies once or twice, you never speak to them again." What you can do is look at how often someone lies and how they react when caught. Psychopaths will lie over and over again, and where other people would sincerely apologize, a psychopath may apologize but won't stop.
How do you make sure you don't get fooled when you're hiring someone to baby-sit your child or for any other job? Hire based on reputation and not image, says Willson. Check references thoroughly. Psychopaths tend to give vague and inconsistent replies. Of course the best way to solve this problem would be to cure psychopaths of their 'illness.' But there's no recipe for treating them, say psychiatrists. Today's traditional methods of psychotherapy (psychoanalysis, group and one-on-one therapy) and drug treatments have failed. Therapy is more likely to work when an individual admits there's a problem and wants to change. The common problem with psychopaths, says Sets, "Is they don't see a problem with their behavior." Psychopaths don't seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they're pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her 'rehabilitation.' Even though we can't treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn't mean we can't protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to "realize our own potential and maximize our strengths" so that our insecurities don't overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes "an image of what you haven't done for yourself." Over time, she says, "their appearance of perfection will begin to crack," but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there's no point in searching for answers; the only thing the psychopath's victim can do is to move on.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of the series which will post on Wednesday, December 19th. Please, read this and read it again. Share this information with your friends and loved ones. Don't be fooled and don't get hurt. Be safe out there.
